International law enforcement officials have raided a massive secret arctic facility and made scores of arrests including of a man suspected of leading the world’s oldest and largest pedophile network. The suspect, who was caught while wearing ritual satanic dress, denies any wrongdoing. However, he was found with detailed plans for illegally breaking and entering into children’s homes in multiple countries with the intent to carry out pagan satanic solar rituals.
In addition, authorities have taken an undisclosed amount of what they believe to be child workers into protective custody. The suspect, known by several aliases including Chris Kringle, Sinter Klaas and St. Nicholas, insists the laborers are members of an alien humanoid race known as “elves.” He further insists that he bought them “fair and square and an inter-galactic slave market” and has the ownership papers to prove it.
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